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Episode 5: Therapist Jim Dolan discusses Maintaining Intimacy During this Stressful time of the COVID 19 Shelter-In-Place Order.
Dolan explains how intimacy is bigger than just the physical sphere- news we can all use, today on the podcast.
Intimacy is bigger than just the physical sphere. It is a much more comprehensive state of being. It is the experience of being completely revealed to whoever you are with- emotionally, spiritually, mentally, psychologically, and spiritually.
It takes place over time in a relationship, growing and changing over time.
One interesting thing about intimacy is that we seek it yet run from it at the same time, bc it represents a loss of control.
Intimacy in friendships doesn’t have the threat level that a relationship might bc we don’t completely reveal ourselves to friends.
Acknowledging vulnerability is the key to resolving issues. Just as important is being able to hear and accept it when you hear it from someone else.
The ego always wants to maintain rigid boundaries. To make those comments acknowledges that you are opening the gate and allowing the other person to look into your own feelings. It is true intimacy.
Intimacy is ultimately imperfect.
What can we do to maintain intimacy and to avoid conflicts during this trying COVID19 shelter-in-place time?
In the big picture, what is counterintuitive is to allow plenty of space and plenty of apartness for each person. It is important that you allow for separateness. Whether it be going for a walk by yourself or having alone time and alone space in the house, it’s very important to ALLOW for this because intimacy is as much a matter of togetherness as it is separateness. You can’t have one without the other.
Intimacy always involves togetherness and separateness. Just as music is made of sound and silence.
Couples ask how they can get along better together.
I say make sure you are each getting enough alone time, enough separateness, enough apart time.
Doing so has a way of renewing and freshening our togetherness with the other, when you are able to pull away and have your own space.
Quite often, the conflicts in a relationship are as much of the glue the keeps a relationship together as the good stuff.
2 important elements of intimacy are mutual respect and vulnerability.
The idea that it is important to not spend every waking minute together.
Some people do NOT like to be alone.
what is right for one person is not necessarily right for another
A person who does have a troubled intimate relationship with themselves would be the type to avoid being alone (with themselves). I’d say that this person would be well served to get some help to explore and work through whatever is going on.
Pointers to stay healthy during this stressful shelter in place time:
-Get plenty of exercise
-Eat well, but not too much
-Get plenty of rest
-Be present-focus on the here and now
To schedule an appointment with Jim Dolan: